


Suburban Life

by ThisArtemisNeverMisses



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America - Freeform, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Romance, mentionofsuicide, singlemother, steverogersxreader, steverogersxsinglemother, stevexreader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-01-21 09:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21297560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisArtemisNeverMisses/pseuds/ThisArtemisNeverMisses
Summary: Breath mingling with the morning breeze. The slowly reasing sun, chasing away the cold morning. Feet hit the pavemant with a steady pace. Thoughts racing through is mind. The last mission was heavy and had a lot of collateral. The team needed a break, hell he needed a break. How could he solve this one? His thinking interupted with music, with every pace the music got louder.Steve had his daily run every morning. While running through the streets he noticeds a house with it’s lights on. A woman is dancing to the music, while making breakfast. Two childeren join her and they start eating. Steve is fascinated with the life of this little family and even stops to withniss this suburbane life every morning during his run. Feeling the need to settle down and the one question remainin: Where is the man beloning tot this family?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Reader
Kudos: 42





	1. First Encounter

Breath mingling with the morning breeze. The slowly reasing sun, chasing away the cold morning. Feet hit the pavemant with a steady pace. Thoughts racing through is mind. The last mission was heavy and had a lot of collateral. The team needed a break, hell he needed a break. How could he solve this one? His thinking interupted with music, with every pace the music got louder. Slowing down, he noticed a house. The lights were on, a figure standing in the kitchen and music playing loud. Steve felt drawn to the house and it’s music. The figure stood dancing in the kitchen. Was it a he or she? He decided to walk further towards the house. 

You sigh. Another early morning, another day where everything is on you’re shoulders. You walk in too the kitchen and turn on the radio. The radio-dj anounces a song and you turn de music louder. Singing the lyrics and slightly dancing, you start making breakfast. Upstairs you’re kids are waking up. You turn on the coffemachine and walk towards the stairs. “Isobel get started and wake you’re brother. Will you.” you yell and head back to the kitchen. Putting everything on the table, you start with lunch. Meanwhile Isobel, an eight year old with red hair, jolts downstairs. “Morning, mama. Could you pack me a yoghurt for lunch?” she says while setting herself by the table. “Sure”, you answer and continue making lunch. You’re 6 year old son, Alex jumps of the last pair of flights of stairs. Crashing in the umbrellastand. You look around the corner, wanting to say something to Alex. He stands up and shrugs his shoulders,”What, I had a crashlanding.” You sigh and motion for him to stand up. “So it seems”, you say, “Get started on breakfast.”.

During breakfast you chat about the events of the day, going to school and you picking them up late, because of a meeting. Thank god for afterschool activities. The radio starts another song and Isobel begins to sing the lyrics. You stand up and start clearing the table. Alex is making funny dance moves and Isobel is over dramaticing the lyrics. Once everything is of the table, you join them and start singing and dancing as well. You’re oldest turns away, to embarast to see Mom dance. “Please, stop that.” She says and you start dancing even goofiyer. It’s your way of starting the day, it’s your way of making every minute count. Make memories and be there for you’re kids. Even if it means waking up, early, so everything is done. You fix you’re daughters hair, drink you’re last sip of coffee and walk towards the door. Time too start the day. 

Steve stood there, feet roothed too the ground. He didn’t noticed sunrise, he didn’t notice the sound of chatting kids getting louder. Registering the noice on time, Steve started joging away from the house. His face red of embarassment, hopefully nobody had seen him. His mind kept thinking about the scene that played out before him. A naging feeling, where was the husband, the father to these children? Wiping away the thoughts, his naging feeling made place for a longing feeling. A longing to participay, to be part of that household. 


	2. Song of the heart

During the day, Steve thoughts shifted ongoing towards the little family. They seemed happy, but he felt that something was missing. The music kept repeating in his head, even his sparing session with Sam couldn’t clear his mind.

  
So at 8 p.m. Steve found himself wandering, when he noticeds where he was. He had wandered too your house. Lights were on in de kitchen and upstairs. You were probable upstairs, bringing you’re kids to bed.

You turn the light off “Goodnight, little bugg.” You say to Alex. You head towards Isobels room, she’s still reading. “One more page and then you go to sleep, oké?” Isobel answers with an oke and turns on her side. It was a rough day, for both of you. Work was exhausting and you had to speak with Isobel’s teacher about her behaviour. You had expected that, the anniversery was a few days away. “Momma..?” Alex wispers, “Go to sleep, little bugg” you smile and head downstairs. Once in the kitchen you start to clean up. Making yourself a cup of tea, you decide to relax before settling for work. With the cup in your hand, you head ouside. The evening is still enjoyable this time of the year. With the thought of sitting and enjoying a peacefull moment, you stop in the doorway. Staring at the person, that is staring right back. On the otherside of the sidewalke stoot noother than Captain America himself, well his civilianform Steve Rogers.

Steve stands still, feet again wrooted to the ground. You glance at him and a ‘hi’ escapes you’re lips. Steve feels awkward and busted. It takes some time, but he replies with a shy ‘hi’, a pink blush forming on his cheeck. 

“Are you looking for something?” you ask, cursing yourself fort hat stupid question. Just because he is Captain America doesn’t mean he is searching for something.

“No, just wandering” Steve replies, not knowing what to say. There’s that little boy from Brooklin again.

“The weather is nice for wandering. The setting sun makes it a little magic too” you smile at Steve. He smiles back a sincere smile.

“Just don’t stay out to long, it start to get colder soon.” Again you mock yourself for your comment. You sound like a grandma. Jeejs, way to go and make an impression.

Steve shukles “Okay, I will.” his eyes smiling at you. Your a caring person, just as he thought. Steve replies with an goodnight and start walking again. You reply back and sit on the porchbench in front of you’re house.

Your thoughts shift, is something going on in the neighbourhood? Why is Captain America here? Is he undercover? Is there a threat? Or..Your thoughts are racing. You’ve seen pictures of Steve in Alex’s room. He had a poster of him and some card. But in real life he was, well..uhm.. just hot. “I don’t have time for this” you sigh and go inside.

While preparing another cup of tea, you think about work and the paperwork that was still waiting for you. Your children, they seemed tot be adjusting to the situation, the anniversary that was comming and all the things that had yet to come, it was going to be a long year. You startet your laptop and begane typing on your lessonplan and studentprofiles. At 12 p.m. you close your laptop and head upstairs. After a shower, your bed felt welcoming. Right before falling asleep, you're thoughts go to a very handsome men, with smiling eyes.   
  
Steve was awake before his alarm went off. He got dressed and wondered if you we're up. Or was it a one time thing. While running he kept on thinking about you’re little encounter. When he rounded the corner he smiled. You we're awake, lights on and music playing in the background. The air filled with a pancakesmell. Feeling a little brave, he walked towards your house and stopped, by the kitchen window. Hopefully you wouldn’t notice him. 

You stood with a bowl in your hands. You mixed the batter while dancing on Who's laughing now (Jessy J), mouthing the lyrics. Steve couldn’t help but smile, you looked so happy and full of energy.

Putting the batter aside, you start with the lunches. Singing and sipping you're coffee, cursing yourself for sipping while it was still hot. You take a minute and lean against the kitchen counter. The music switched to something more slow. While the radio plays, Let her go (Passengers) you take a trip down memorie lane.  
  
He would be with you in the morning. You preparing breakfast and hè would do the lunches. Al the while singing and dancing to the music. You even managed to fold the the laundry before the kids were up. He would go wakeup the kids and make sure they would get dressed. Together you would eat breakfast and clean up before going. Kissing him goodbye for work, his smell, the warmth of his hug. That we're the things you miss. It didn’t go unnoticed by Steve, that you’re demeanor changed. The woman standing there, wasn’t the same person he just saw a few minutes ago. Listening to the lyrics of the song, giving them a meaning, Steve figured you had too deal with a major lost.

You wipe away a tear in de corner of you're eye and head upstairs. “Time too wake up...waki waki.” You yell.   
  
Once Isobel and Alex were downstairs, you start making pancakes. The radio played more upbeat songs. You were cleaning the kitchen when Alex sat restless on his chair. “Honey, whats wrong. Are you troubled by something?” you ask.

“No momma, Just thinking about Captain America so much, that I thought I saw him by the kitchen window.” Alex replies. You look at the window and see that noting is there. Looking at Alex, you shake your head. “No more late night snacks for you, mister.” 

Steve stand up, while dusting himself off. He grunds and curses himself. The boy saw him, thank god for his quick thinking and the many bushed at the side of the house. Well quick thinking, his hair was a mess, his sweatpants ripad and t-shirt dirty, how was he going to explain that.  
  
  
  



	3. I need you now

Steve enters the compound, hopefully no ones awake. His hopes fades as soon as he smells the coffee. Someone’s awake, if he’s lucky it’s Clint, worst case it’s Bucky. Steve triest to make as little noise as possible. A few more steps and then he is at the elevator.

“Hey punk" Bucky yelled from the kitchen. Steve sighs he was caught. Why did it have to be Bucky. He’ll never hear the end of it. " You’re late..did something happen on your way back?” Bucky asked coming out of the kitchen. Looking at Steve, Bucky tried to stifle a laugh, failing miserably and began laughing full force. His laugh rumbling in his chest and shoulders heavy shaking.

Steve stoot there, little Twigs and leafs in his hair, his face dirty, ripped sweatpants and blushing cheeks." Oké, that enough" Steve said, and you call yourself my best friends. "Stop laughing Buck. It's not funny" Steve pouthed. "Have you've seen yourself." Bucky said looking Steve over, starting to laugh again.

  
“I’m going to take a shower” Steve muttered and walked away. “Better look in the mirror, there’s a little Groot starting to grow in your hair.” Bucky said mockingly. Steve shook his head, “You’re an ass, you know that.”

Walking into the bathroom, Steve looked at himself in the mirror. His chest rumbled as he started laughing at the way he looked. Bucky was right, he looked ridiculous. Thinking about the little boy, looking directly at him. The way he blinked his eyes and kept looking from him to his mom. It was sweet, how the boy though, his own mind was playing games with him. Once he decided to open his mouth, Steve knew he had to hide.  
  
Steve started to pluck the twigs from his hair and turned the shower on. His thoughts shift towards you. The way you behaved infront of your kids, a happy, caring and patient woman. You you prevented yourself from showing any sorrow in the presence of your children. Giving them space to explorer, speak their mind and let them be themself. But when you were alone you looked vulnerabil and your eyes weer sad. In all those times he watched your morningroutine, he never once saw your husband, nor heard your kids talk about him. What had happened?

You lay in your bed and look at the ceiling. Today was the day and it was not a good day. Thankfully you had the day off and so had your kids. You felt like crap, tired and on the verge of crying. How would you get throught today? You got up and turned on the shower, careful not to wake your kids. Heading downstairs, you looked into the room of Isobel, she was turning in her sleep, it wouldn’t take long before she would wake up. Alex was still peacefull assleep, he was little when it happened. He didn’t remember all of it, luckely.

In the kitchen you switch on the coffeemachine and take a second before deciding to turn on the radio. Hearing ‘Shake it off’ playing, you sigh, thankfull an upbeat song. Deciding on baked rolls, you turn on the oven to heat up and pour yourself a cup of coffee. Today was the day, it had been 3 years, 3 years of being mom and dad at the same time. 3 years of doing everything alone, 3 years of missing him, your other half, the father to your children. You start blinking away your tears, you had to be strong, especially today. You remember the day so well, as if it happened yesterday. You had little time to mourn, much had to be arranged, your children needed their mother and money had to be made. So mourning was set aside on a to-do-list that only became longer with the day. Snapping out of your thought, the radio plays another song, ‘Broken String’ (James Morrison /Nelly Furtado) it breaks your composure and you let your tears run freely. You stood there, grabbing the counter as a lifeline. Never once registering once that someone was watching.

Steve watched as you stood there, tears streaming down your face, sobbing tearfully. You’re knuckles were white from the force with which you held onto the counter. In all those days he watched your little family, he never saw you this way. What made you so sad, made you cry so heartbroken. Why was there no one to comfort you. Where was that damn husband of your, the one that should hold you when you’d cry. The one whispering comforting words, caressing you until you would calmdown, make you feel save. Steve couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t care that it was that early in the morning. He gathered all his courage and knocked at the door, he could explain later.

  
A knock interrupted your little breakdown. Wiping away the tears on your face, you walk to the door. Looking at your appearance in the mirror, seeying how bloodshot your eyes were, you fix your hair and open the door. You freeze at the sight before you, a blushing Steve Rogers stood at your door. It felt like time stood still for a second, you look into each others eyes, he looks straight through you. It seems that he doesn’t see the mask you wear, but only sees you. You smile a crooked smile, try to adjust the way you stand, try to look less broken. “oh, sweetheart, don’t do that.” Steve says looking at you. You blink a few times, trying to banish the tears, but fail misery. Without any words Steve closes the gap that is between you and embraces you in a heartwarming hug. 

  
  



	4. Screaming at the top of my lungs

For a second you couldn’t react, couldn’t registere what was happening, but when you did you fisted Steve’s shirt and started crying. For the first time in 3 years, you let your tears run freely. For the first time you let your grief take the upper hand. For the first time you accept that this hole in your heart is caused by missing of your other half. And this ‘stranger’ had somehow sensed you needed someone to lean on. He just knocked at your door and without any hesitation just took you in his arms. You didn’t understand it, but accepted the welcoming warmth his body radiated. Your crying had stopt and were replaced by little sobs. Steve was stroking your hair and whispered “It’s okay.” time and time again. After some time you look up at Steve’s face, you were welcomed with a warming smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what came over me.” You say letting go off Steve’s shirt and taking a step back. Instantly missing the warmth of his body. You wipe the remaining tears away with your sleeve and look at Steve. He still stands in your doorway, a blush on his cheecks and his shirt wet from your tears. “As I already said, it’s okay.” He smiles scratching his neck. Your eyes soften and whisper a soft thank you. Now you’re the one blushing. 

You scrape your throath “So uhmm, what business has Captain America with my family?”

Steve stoot dumpfounded, he didn’t expect that he had to explain himself so soon. What should or could he answer? Telling you he saw you cry, gave away the fact that he was looking through your window..well technically it ws spying, but just looking didn’t sound so criepy.

“Well..Captain Rogers.” You say interupting Steve’s thoughts. “My son swore he saw you a few times at our window. I always said it was wishfull thinking. Now Captain Rogers, was it wishfull thinking or did my son see you?” you asked, eyeing Steve. Boy was he busted. How was he going to explain this, this pull towards you and your kids. Since the first time he saw you, there was a need to know more about you. How could he explain what he was feeling, it wasn’t love, at least not yet. But there was something that was facinating about you. He caught himself thinking off you, off your kids and your day, multiple times a day.

“Uhmm..I guess.” Steve starts, but got interupted with a screaming Alex and Isobel running down the stairs. “Mom, Alex took my book and....” Isobel looked at Alex, who was staring at the person by the front door.

“Mommy, do you see him too. Is that…is he…it’s Captain.” Alex stammered

“Wow, okay, What is Captain America doing here.” Isobel asks. “Why are you crying? Did he hurt you?” Isobel looked angry at Steve.

“No, honey nothings wrong. Go ahead and get dressed, we're leaving in an hour.” You hug Isobel. “Alex, come on little bugg, go get dressed.” You lead Alex towards the stairs, he’s not letting Steve out his sight. Walking backwards up the stairs, until he hasn’t a choice and walks forwards further.

“Captain Rogers, would you like to come in for a moment?” you ask, Steve hesitateds, but walks in. He looks at your hallway full off pictures. How is he going to get out off this one.

“Coffee?” you ask turning the music softer. “Yes please and it’s Steve.” He says following your moves.

Pooring Steve and yourself a cup of hot coffee, you eye Steve while blowing the hot coffee. “So Steve..what were you saying” you say in your teacher voice, looking straight at him. He shifts under your gaze. He’s in trouble.

“Well.” Steve starts. “You see I run every morning..” Boy you can make someone feel awkward with just looking at them. Steve hasn’t run much this morning, but he’s sweating.

“Just tell the truth, Steve. It isnt so hard, right?” You say with a sweet voice, cocking your head. Steve blushs feverisly. “Well, to be honust.."

“You were standing by the window.” You finish his sentence.

Steve looks with wide eyes at you. How did you know this, he thought you didn’t notice him. “Yes, it’s tru. I’m sorry.” Steve felt like a little schoolboy. “I don’t know what it is, but fors ome reason I feel attracted to this house, to you.” He looks at you with stormy eyes, hoping you could understand it.

“For how long?” You ask with a soft voice, the expression on your face shows you mean no harm. You just want to know what is going on.

“Uhm. I think like for a month.” Steve holds his mug thight, just a little harder and that thing would break in two.

“Steve, I’m not mad. I do not know what to think of it, but I'm not angry. I think it's funny maybe.” You answer laughing a little. Steve dares to laugh with you, it makes the situation les akward.

“Sit down, Steve, we can talk a little.” You motion for him to sit down. You sit opposite of him. “Tell me how did you end up here?”

Steve starts telling you about his morning run. How he had never noticed the house until that very morning. The morning filled with music and laughter. How he can’t get you three out of is head since that day. The way you interact with your children, enjoy the music, how you behave so strong and then comes the question you’ve been dreading. “Where’s your husband?”

You look at steve, swallowing heavy when tears start to form in your eyes. You had expected this question. “Well..Steve..” you started.

“Mommy..help me..” Alex screams entering the kitchen. “Alex, give that back, it’s mine.” Isobel screams. “Isobel watch your tone you warn. Isobel turns towars you, looking at the person sitting at the kitchen table, she turns her anger towards you.

“Why did you let him in” she asks you angry. “Watch what you say, Isobel” you warn again, only your voice has an egde to it.

“No, I don’t have to. NOt with him around.” She raises her voice. “Isobel that’s to far, stop it.” You say angry, looking at her, starting a staring contest she looks back. Anger in her eyes, but you know better, she’s not angry about Steve. “Why do I have to stop, you let a straNGE MAN IN.” She screams the last part. “Isobel behave, not today, please.” You reason with her. “Well, TODAY you decided to let him in. I’m not okay with that.” She answers her hands forming into fist.

“Isobel that’s enough, he’s our guest.” Your voice is full of onspoken emotions. “I’m not done yet, If you’re done with grieving and want to continue your life, well I ain’t.” Isobel says, her lip trembling, hands into fist and her eyes full of unshed tears. 

You walk towards Isobel and take her into your arms. “Let me go, I don’t need your hugs.” She exclaims. “Isobel stop it, it’s okay. I know honey” You tighten your grip on her. Isobel tries to get away from you, but you won’t let it happen. “Let go of me.” She yells, tears slowly running down her cheeks. “Let me go.” She says again, only sobbing this time. “It’s okay honey, let your tears run freely” you say soft, still holding her tight. At that moment Isobel breaks and start crying uncontrolable. While holding onto you, she pushes the both of you over, falling to the ground. In midair you catch yourself and sit on the ground with Isobel between your legs. “Why, mommy, Why did daddy leave us. He knew we loved him. We were there for him all the time. We stood strong togheter. Were we not good enough for him.” She says between her sobs. “I know little mouse. We were strong, but daddy wasn’t. He couldn’t stand it any longer. He loved us with al his heart, but he wasn’t strong enough.” You gently rock her back an d fort. “You’re safe, it’s okay.” You whisper softly. 

Alex is watching from a distance, his own tears rolling down his cheeks. He tries to wipe them away. “Momma, it won’t stop.” He says sobbing. You look at your little boy, “It’s okay, little bugg. Come on over, there room for you too.” you say while opening your free arm. Alex runs to you and cuddles against the warmth of your body. Listening to your steady beating heart.


	5. Brick by Brick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning, in this chapter there's mention of suicide.

You sit there for an unknown time, rocking and soothing your children. Isobel is snuggled against you and seems to be fallen asleep. She didn’t sleep well last night. Alex keeps listening to your heartbeat, it soothes him. You rest back against the counter, sighing to yourself. What a way to start the day, it’s only 9 in the morning. The sun has risen and shines into your livingroom. Steve scrappes his throath getting your attention. That’s right he was still here, looking at the person sitting on the ground left of you, you smile a tired smile. During the time you were comforting, Steve decided to sit down on the floor, next to you. Despite this crazy, emotional and somewhat disturbed morning, he was still there.

  
Steve watched everything from the side. They lost their husband and father. Trying to restart their life, reviving the happiness and giving it meaning. How were you still standing? Steve had so many questions he would like to ask you, but that would be inappropriate at this moment.

It had to be today, that he decided to knock on that door. He had different ideas about your situation, an always working man or a family that had to deal with divorce. He never once thought about a family that lost their beloved father. Steve got more and more admiration for you, how did you keep this up. You were mother, father, made an earning and so many more all-in-one person. Steve’s thoughts were racing and questions were answered with another question. He gazes into the distance, the voice of Isobel and you in the background.

  
“I’m sorry mama. It wasn’t my intention to be rude.” Isobel apologizes. “It’s okay, honey. It’s not a good day, for all of us.” You say kissing her head. Isobel gives you a hug and stands up too get a tissue. Alex wants to cuddle some more, after a while he stands up and gives you a big hug. “You are the best momdad there is. I love you.” Alex smiles. “Alex….” You whisper, swallowing away the tears. “Lets make it a beautifull day, dad would have wanted it.” you say smiling halfhartly, looking to your left you’re met with a pair of blue orbs staring at you.

Steve looks you in the eyes, a slight smile on his face. “Well, Captain Rogers..uhmm…Steve, it was not my intention for you to see that. I mean, it’s a hell off a morning and there’s more to come. Probable the best if you leave.” You say scraping your throath and standing up. Walking towards the kitchen were Alex triest to pour a drink. Isobel sat at the kitchentable, eyeing Steve the whole time.

  
“Believe me I’ve seen worse.” Steve says shifting under Isobels gaze, she had your eyes, just as blue and intens. He hesitates for a moment, should he sit opposite Isobel or not?  
Deciding to sit down opposite of her, he continues, “I didn’t meant to invade your family or nose around in your problems. It’s just..” Steve stops, seeing the look in your eyes.  
You swallow, feeling his intens glare.”You didn’t invade our family Steve, it is really sweet how you care about us.” Blushing slightly, his eyes are the deepest color of blue. Stormy and gently at the same time, there’s so much compassion in them, it makes you shift under his gaze. You don’t know how to feel, anxious for his interest or gratefull for his concern about you. “You’re the first person in a very long time that felt obligated to do something for us. And you’re a stranger, so there you go.” You add, this time your smile bitter.

  
“No, I don’t have any apointments.” Steve answers seeing the look in your eyes. For how long have you’ve been alone. Taking responsebility for everything. How did you handle things when you were sick, when the kids were sick. More and more quenstions came to his mind. Were was your family or the family of your deceased husband. Who was supporting you? Took care of YOU.

“Please stay, at least if you want to. I can imagine that you have better things to do than be here.” Looking into his eyes, searching for a sign, you expect that he wants to leave. It’s better for you if he leaves now, your wall is still standing. But is already showing cracks, you never stood still by the lonelynis. Always telling yourself to keep going, but this encouter with him, made you realise how lonely you’ve been. Your scared for his reaction when he hears the truth about your husbands death. He would probable react the way all others did and you would be left alone again, picking up the pieces. Comforting your kids and acting strong, although je would love a shoulder to lean on sometimes.

Alex is standing next to Steve. He keeps looking him over, again and again. And then out of nowhere he squeezes Steve’s arm. Measuring his biceps. “Hey there little budy.” Steve smiles at Alex. His eyes widen “You’re really here” he exclaimes and hugs Steve. “Mommy, mommy look, Captain America is here.” Alex smiles. You smile aknowledging at Alex. “I’m going to get my poster, so Captain America can sign it.” Alex starts running towards the stairs. “When you’re upstairs get dressed too.” You call after him.

“So okay, would you like another cup of coffee?” You ask smiling, sounding a little to exhited. It’s your first adult visit since ages. You ask yourself if you’ve forgotten how to act en interact when you’re with an adult. SUre you have you’re collegeaus at school, but they only talk to you when necessary and about schoolrelated items. Steve shuckles at your elation. You blush fereshly and scratch your neck. “uhmm..yeah sorry about that.” You turn around and begin making coffee.

Steve looks at you making coffee. The way you move, lightly hum to the music on the radio and the sun lightly shinning on your face. It gives him a warm fusy feeling. He could get used too this, wasn’t it fort he nagging feeling in his stomach. Now wasn’t the time to ask you out, you have so many things to juggle. Maybe he could help you out and get to know you, without a date. How could it be that a woman he barrily knew, could fasinate him so much.

Isobel is still looking at Steve. Sitting opposit of him. When she takes a sip of her milk, she doens’t take her eyes of him. She puts her cup down and swallows hard, letting out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry”, Isobel says out of the blue, staring at the tablecloth. You turn around and look at Steve. He is watching Isobel, fresh tears forming in her eyes. “Wha..Honey, your behaviour is understandable, not okay, but understandable. I think Captain Rogers does understaind.” You sit beside Isobel and look at Steve, hoping he gets the hint in your voice. “You see, I get a little crancky when missions go awry or things don’t go as plant. So yeah, sometimes I’m a little hulk too.” Steve smiles hoping he would make eye contact with Isobel.

“You see, mister Rogers, three years ago we received sad news.” Isobel starts but can’t continue, it’s to hard to tell what happened. “She means it’s been three years since my husband and their father died, the police stood at our door to notify us.” You swallowing the lump in your throath.

Steve takes a hold of your hand. He starts rubbing gently on the back of your hand “ It’s okay…tell me..I want to know..I’m not going anywhere.” He squeezes your hand, reinforcing his words.

“Then your the first person in three years. Once you know the whole thruth, you’ll soon join the group of uninterested.” You smile mockinly.”Isobel would you go check on your brother and dress yourself too.” You kiss her head and watch how she goes upstairs.

When you are alone in the kitchen, you look at Steve. Your eyes lock and for a moment time stood still. You wanted to remember his features, those blue eyes, dirty blond hair and strong jawline. The way he looked at you full of compasion, it would all change soon. The last three years have been so lonely, the holidays and birthdays were no longer the same since your husband’s death. People started to stop comming to your house, to your parties, stop being your company and support.

“Well, Steve, here it goes. I’d like to tell you, but I’m also afraid of you judgment. You see..my husband didn’t just die, he wans’t sick, he didn’t have an accident…Our family took a big blow, when my husband robbed himself off his life.” You say staring at the table, there you’ve said it. You keep watching the table, seeing the reaction on Steve’s face is something you can’t handle wright now. You’ve seen that look in too many eyes.

The kitchen chair moved, he was standing up. Soon he would walk to the frontdoor. You knew it, even Captain America disapproves of this. You start mending the cracks in your wall, preparing to go back to the known solitude of life. You get ripped out of your thoughts, when two strong arms surround you. A warm embrace, a hard chest against your back and warm breath tickling your ear. “Sweetheart, you can’t keep this up. Let me help you, please. I’m sorry you have to go through this. You’ve must’ve been lonely all this time.” Steve whispers in your ear, still hugging you tightly. You’re frozen, can’t seem to hug him back. You were expecting disapproval, that he would take a run for it, first thing out the door. Never ever would you have dreamt of this. Someone who would understand you’re situation, would stay and comfort you. Perhaps this day wasn’t entirely bad.

“I’m sorry, Am I going too far?” Steve ask when he notices that you’re not responding to his hug. “Should I, let go.” Uncertainty in his voice. “No, It feels nice, please hold me a little longer.” You answer softly, laying your hands on top of his. “Okay, swe…” Steve stops mid sentence he just realises he’s been calling you sweetheart the whole time. “Y/N, you can call me y/n, Steve.” You smile.


	6. Taking down the walls

Time passes slowly, all this time Steve hasn’t let go of you. Both of you savouring the moment. His warmt radiating through you. His breaths synchroning with yours. It’s almost as if you're one person. The only other person who could make you feel this way, was you’re husband. “My husband was a good man, Steve. He was caring, compasioned, always made me laugh, knew with one look, how I felt.” You break the silence.  
  
“I don't doubt that, y/n.” Steve thightens his grip on you. It felt so good to hold you, he loved to do it all day. How he loved to make you smile and take away the sorrow. He barely knew you, but he had a pull towards you. A need to protect you and your kids. He didn't know how he developed those feelings. But they were there, was he falling in love with you. Steve felt like a mess, butterflies in his stomach, allot of questions in his head, shame for intruding your family on this day. He really needed to sort this out, he couldn't just assume things and let his feelings take over.

“y/n, why did your husband commit suïcide?” Steve lingering at the last part of his question, it was hard to say something like that. It made him shiver, what had happened that your husband had only one way out, leaving you behind with taking care of everything and everyone. He can’t help but think that in some way it felt selfish of your husband to see this as a solution.

“You sure you want to know?” your voice sounds cold, if he really wants to know, you need to be as emotioless as you can. It started three and a half years ago. An investigation was started at your husbands work. Coping with the intensity of the investigation was an emotional roller coaster and completely changed the man you loved.

  
“I really want to know, but not today. Your day is hard enough, without me bringing back all the bad memories. Go enjoy with your kids, celebrate his life, think of the memories you made and make today count.” He let’s go of you and caresses your cheek with his thumb. You can’t stop yourself from leaning in his caress. Giving him a little smile. You find it difficult, but you’re going to miss him. You hardly know him, but he makes you feel warm inside. It makes you realise you’ve been alone for so long, without company or a chance to relax. 

“If your okay with it, I will come back tomorrow.” Steve loosens his hold on you. Missing his warmt instantly. “Sure, I would love that." Looking at the tall Avenger before you, you notice how small you are. You level with his chest, smiling at this fact. Steve notices also your difference in length. He laughs, his chest slight rumbling from his laughter. Seeing you pouting makes him laugh even harder. He takes your hand, slamming you into him, hugging you tight. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to laugh in your face." Steve says while kissing your head. "You're just so tiny, pocketsize." He blinks, earning a giggle from you. You blush at his remark. Looking each other in the eyes, you feel that there's a connection. Could you possible dare to hope you're making a friend. A person to lean on. Maybe it was a start of something new, was the storm finally over?

You walk Steve to the door, notecing how handsome he is. The most brilliant blue eyes, his muscular arms and warm smile. Steve sees you looking at him and smiles back. It would be nice to have a man around the house. Even if it started out with peeking through your window, you felt he didn't mean harm by it.

"So y/n, It was nice meeting you." Steve smiles, standing in the doorway. "Thank you for you hospitality. I Will see you tomorrow then?" Steve asks bashful, his cheeks pink.

“Well, Steve, it was nice meeting you. Thank you for your comfort and care. I appreciate your patience and sincere interest in our story. We've been allone for almost two and a half year. I forgot how it felt having company. Between working, housekeeping an caring for my kids, there's little time left. I feel like I've forgot how to interact with people my age. I'm sorry if I made you feel awkward." Scratching the back of you neck. You were so aware of your lack of social skills. How could it be, he wasn’t running away, but would like to come back.

“It’s okay. I get it, don’t worrie about it.” Steve says, he turns around and starts jogging, waving at you when he turns right. You close the door, standing there with the doorknob in your hands. What a day, it's hasn't even started properly and so much has already happened. You can't help but smile, thinking about his smile and warmt. "Mommy, is he going to be our new daddy?" Alex stands at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh little bugg, I think you got it wrong. Captain Rogers, is just a friend, who's concerned about us. Come on, we're going to visit daddy's grave."

The next day you wake up with a smile on your face, its something you haven’t done in years. Yesterday was a strange, yet beautifull day. After Steve had left, you visited your husbands grave, went shopping with the kids, saw a movie and ended with eating icecream for diner. It was the first anniversary where you celebrated life and the memories of your husband. Your kids were exhausted and fel asleep in the car. When you had cleaned up, you went ot bed yourself, feeling fullfilled and proud. Yesterday was do different, then the other two anniversary's. It gave you energy, a feeling this life, a life without your husband, could be beautifull too.

This morning didn't feel so heavy. Walking downstairs you wonder if it has to do with your visitor yesterday. Having someone listen to you, not jugding, but asking why, was a reaction you hadn't experierenced. You turn on the light and radio, smiling at the song on the radio (Unstoppable; Sia), starting to sing. Making coffee and setting the table. Today would be a good day, looking out the window, hoping you would see Steve run by. Waiting for a minute, but you don't see him. He’s probable busy or not in the neighbourhood. You feel silly, asif he would come back. Your heart sinks a little, are you being foolish. Letting emotiones you can’t define yet, take you over? 

Isobel and Alex come downstairs and give you a hug. “Morning mama,” greeting you simultaneously. “Morning sweethearts, ready for the day?” asking while slicing up their fruit and mix it with yoghurt. Isobel starts to talk about yesterday and her favourite part, Alex is busy with eating his yoghurt as quick as he can. 

Your chatter gets interupted with a knock on the door, you look up, smiling a little, could it be? Alex dashes to the door, meanwhile swallowing his spoon of yoghurt. You walk after him, scolding him about opening a door without knowing who is on the other side.

Before you finish your sentence, you stop, looking at the person standing at your door. Steve is standing there in his sweatpants and t-shirt. His chest heavy breathing from running too fast and face red from effort.

“Good morning”, he smiles, his eyes sprakling at the sight off you. “Good morning”, you welcome him. “Please come in, the coffee is freshly brewn,” stepping aside so that Steve can enter. “Hi, Ca..ca..captain America,” Alex welcomes Steve a little nervous but overjoyed. He hesitates for a minute, but decides to run towards Steve. In a reflex Steve lifts Alex up, so that Alex can give him a hug. Steve walks towards the kitchen with Alex still in his arms, Isobel looks up, smiling at the sight of her little brother on Steve’s arm. “Good morning, little miss,” he greets her, getting a little giggle out of her. Looking at the scene before of you, you can only smile from ear to ear. This felt so natural, so good, as if it had never been different. Could this go well?

Walking into the kitchen, pouring Steve and yourself a mug of coffee, humming slitghly to the music. Setting both mugs on the table and sitting yourself opposite of Steve. The music stops, the radio automaticly turns the sound down. Just in time to hear Steve’s stomach growl. You can’t help but laugh, “Captain Rogers, could it be you are hungry?” you ask mockingly. “Uhmm..Sorry..I was up early and didn’t take time to eat breakfast.” Steve says embarest. “Would you like me to make you breakfast?” you ask, already knowing the answer. “I would like that, thank you. y/n, can I help you?” Steve asks, looking at you. “No, thank you, it’s not necessary. Already done, see” setting the bowl of yoghurt in front of Steve. “So, what are your plans for the day?” Steve asks while starting to eat his breakfast.


	7. Past and Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: extra warning for this chapter, there is talk about suicide and harassment, angst, fluff, death, drama, comforting, sad reader, slow burn.
> 
> Thanks for the likes and comments. In this chapter the past of your is revealed. The reason of your husbands death, may be a heavy subject. I know what I’m talking about, so don’t think, that I think about it lightly. As a mather off fact, it happened in our organisation 4 years ago. This is the last chapter to complete your past, as from now on we will heading to a major fluff. Enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think!

After that first morning, it was normal for Steve to show up and join your family for breakfast. For almost 3 weeks straight he was greeted with Alex or Isobel opening the door for him. He new that they took turns opening the door for him, but at some point he felt disapointed that you never opened the door for him. He would always walk in and see you busy in the kitchen. It took some time, but after a few time he started to help you out. Sometimes he played a game with Alex and Isobel, other days he stood next to you helping preparing breakfast. You would talk about the things you had planned for that day. At some point Steve went into the study and came out with a book, questioningly looking at you. “Are you a teacher?” Steve asked amused, a big smile upon his face.

“Yes, whats wrong with that. Why are you smiling like crazy?” you asked, starting to smile yourself. “Oh, nothing, just thinking about you as a teacher.” He snickered. “would you cut it out. Like you’re a big shot, Captain America.” You tease him trying to imitate his voice, but fail miserably. Both of you start to laugh, earning looks from Alex and Isobel. Not noticing the glaze the children give each other.

“So, anything special planned for today?” Steve asks while mixing his yoghurt. “Mom finally agreed to a movie night.” Isobel answered overexcited. “It took her long enough, right mom.” Isobel nutged you in the side. “He, no fair. You both didn’t ask for it, so I thought you didn’t want to.” pouting the best way you could. “Mommy, can Captain America come to.” Alex looked at you mimicking your pout. “Alex, I think Steve has other plans and beside watching a kidsmovie isn’t very interesting.” Earning gasps from Alex and Isobel.

Steve shuckled a little, while eating his breakfast. “Actually, I have no plans for tonight. So, If I’m welcome, I would love to watch….” He eyes Alex, hoping he would name a movie..”Eight Below.” Alex shouts looking at you. “Sure, why not.” You sigh, you’ve watched this movie countless times. “Steve, please don’t feel obligated and don't reschedule appointment.” Looking at Steve, his smile widening, “I really have nothing to do tonight. So what time, should I be here?” he ask, stiffling his laugh.

At 7 o’clock sharp there was a knock on your door. You opened the door, welcoming Steve back. He stood there, his eyes shining, big smile upon his face, a big bag of gummy worms (on recommendations from Tony) in one hand and a bouquet of flowers for you. “Good evening, Captain Rogers.” you say politely, trying not to snicker, gesturing for him to step inside. “Alex, Isobel, you’ve got company.” shouting, with loud noise both children run towards Steve, being the little energy balls they are, they jump around him and take him to the living room. You mouth a sorry towards him, you get is a big smile and a nod from him. When Steve enters the living room, he’s met with an overload of cosiness. There are snacks on the table, the lights are dimmed and there are pillows laying on the ground. He looks at you, “What?” you ask “Nothing special for you, we always do it like this.” You shrug.

Steve settles himself on the left, Alex decided to sit next to him. Incing every second closer, until he is rested against his back. Glazing at Steve, he smiles lovingly at the move Alex makes. Whispering something in his ears, makes Ales smile and settle completely in his lap. Your heart warms at the sight before you, your house felt for the first time like a home. He made that possible, he was the one giving you a hand and taking you out of the storm you were in. He gave you hope and realisation you weren’t you, but a robot. Staring at the person opposite of you, you feel so grateful for having this stranger come in your life. Steve catches you staring at him, once you meet his eyes he smiles back at you. A soft thank you, leaves your lips. Maybe tonight was a good time to tell him your whole story.

At some point during the movie, Steve and you started to exchange glances at each other. All of you were sitting on the ground, each of you had one arm leaning on the couch. Steve had shifted, so that his hand was touching your had. While watching the movie, both of you took turns in caressings the others hand. You felt like a teenager again, sneaking around. For your feeling the movie is over too quickly.

“Well, that was a nice movie…” you start but Steve interrupts you. He points towards an already sleeping Alex in his lap. “Would you mind, carrying him upstairs.” you whisper. Taking Alex in his arms, Steve stands up and brings Alex to his bedroom. You follow with Isobel. Once she has her pj’s on and brushed her teeth, you sit down on her bed.

"Mom, I'm okay with it. If you want to date Captain America, you can. I know you're not replacing dad. You should have a chance at love, even if dad was your epic love. Seeing you smile today made me happy. If he's the one making you smile again, I think dad would approve of it.” Isobel wipes away a tear, she looks at you, still dumbfounded by the kind words your 8 year old just spoke. "Honey, why do you grow up so fast, but I don't have those feelings for Steve, Captain Rogers.” Taking Isboel’s hands in yours. “Yeah, right. I've seen the way you look at him. You looked at dad the same way." Isobel snickered. “You little…death by tickling!” you attack Isobel and start tickling her, a joyfull laugh escaping her lips. It warmed your heart hearing her laugh like that. For almost 3 years, she didn't laugh so heartfully. It felt like everything was falling into place and you're allowed happiness again. Isobel stopped laughing when she saw Steve leaning against the doorway. His arms crossed and a wide smile upon his face. How he loved to see you smile, happy without worries. It felt so natural, as if it had never been different. It felt like this was his family, his home. It frightened him, he was feeling all those feelings for you, mostly admiration…..love and dare he to say it longing. Your kids had taken a place in his heart so quickly. He was afriad that his heart would shatter if he wasn’t welcome anymore.

"Steve you okay." you ask concerned. Pain and confusion all over Steve's face. "Steve..." you saying his name again, snaps him out of his thoughts. “huh, yeah I’m fine.” He quickly replies not looking at you. “I was just thinking about something.” He adds to his answer, clearing his throat, standing straight. “Goodnight, little lady. Sweet dreams Isobel.” Steve smiles. “Goodnight, Captain..Steve.” She smiles back, laying down so you can tuck her in. “Goodnight, sweety, sleep tight.” You walk towards the door, Steve’s still standing there, you stand next to him. “You two look good together…” Isobel murmurs while drifting off to sleep. Creating a blush on both your cheeks, both of you avoiding eyecontact for the moment. Walking past Alex’s door you see him sleeping holding his Captain America doll tight. “Goodnight, little bugg.” You whisper, closing the door slightly. All this time Steve walks behind you, trying to memorize every line of your face. If only he could make you feel this way all the time. Make the pain go away. Spending all those mornings with your family and this evening were a gifts. Memories he would cherish and never let go of them. He dreaded the day that he would have to go on a mission. Hopefully he could inform you or leave you at least a note. Steve was staring at you, again in his own world, not registering the hand you’re waving in front of him. Blinking a few times, he looks guilty at you, you’ve caught him staring into the distance. You walk towards the stairs, “Let’s go, Captain Rogers, I will tell you our story.” a small smile upon your mouth.

Downstairs you walk into the kitchen. “Well Steve, time for the hard stuff, want a beer?” you ask pulling the fridge open.

“Sure, sounds good.” he smiles, observing how you glide through the kitchen. “Come on, Captain.” Grabbing the two bottles of beer, you walk towards the couch, gesturing for Steve to follow you.

Both of you sit on the couch, turning towards each other. “I will ask you one more time, are you sure you want to hear the whole story?” looking at Steve, trying to figure out what he’s thinking. Taking a large sip of his beer, he looks determined at you. "Yes, I'm sure. I want to know what causing you so much pain." Looking you straight in the eyes, taking your hand with his free one. Exhaling out heavy "Well, here it goes. My husband was a teacher too, he worked at an elementary school. He taught 6th grade. He was an upbeat person, always jocking around, sometimes even flirting. But I knew it was all talk, nothing there. I always teased him, and asked if he wanted to trade me for two of my age.” You shukkle slighty, stopping when you see the concern in Steve’s eyes. “Don't worry, i got used to his way of interacting with others. I wasn't insecure about our marriage. I knew he would always come home. I trusted him with my life.” swallowing thick, taking a sip from your beer. “Don’t look at me that way, I wasn’t the lonely wife who waited at home for her husband to come back. That wasn't the kind of relationship we had. We trust each other and knew we were faithful. Until that day, that day our whole world shattered and started making cracks in my faith in him.”

Steve silently listening to what you're telling, looking at your face, trying to read every expression and emotion of you. His thumb is rubbing the back of your hand, tightening his grip sometimes.

“He was asked to visit the principal office. There he was confronted with an letter that other staff members has written. He was accused of sexual intimidation and unacceptable behaviour. As off that point he was suspended and sent home until further notice. Within a week he was invited by an external office which was tasked with the investigation in all accusations against my husband.” you stop talking for a moment, not wanting to look at Steve, the tears forming in your eyes. It had broken your family, you couldnt’ eat or sleep, neither would your husband. You had endless conversations with him, trying to figure out who it could be and what went wrong. Cracks started to appear in your relationship, at some point you even started to doubt your husband.

Clearing your throat you continue, ”It was a very long investigation. It took 3 months to speak with every person on the school, another 2 months to form the statement. The last month was hell on earth. My husband was confronted with the accuser. It devastated him, that confrontation stripped my husband from his humanity. From that point on, he was cold, agitated, couldn’t spend time with the kids without screaming at them. I lost him after that confrontation. At that moment we stopped being husband and wife. He stopped loving me. Two days before the results were announced, he took his own life. He jumped in front of the train. Seeing no other way, assuming the results weren’t in his favor, deciding we were better of without him.” wiping away the tears that were on your cheeks. After three years it still hurt, you still remember how coldhearted he was. The way your love making, turned into something quick and raw sex. “He couldn’t take it any longer Steve, it fucked him up in so many ways. If he had hold on a little bit longer, we would have started somewhere new and forget all that shit. Pardon my language.” You say taking a sip from your beer.

“What did the report say. Was it in his favor?” Steve asks, looking at you, it was hard to read you. You tried to control your emotions, telling the heavy part of your story. When you started to explain what the investigation brought, he had entwined his fingers with yours. It was the closest he dared to be with you at this moment. 

“Yes, it was. His coworkers all made declarations in his favor. And the woman that had accused him, has done this to two other men at two different school. So she was charged and convicted with defamation. Unfortunately it was to late for my husband. After we buried him. Our families made clear they wanted nothing to do with us anymore, so we moved to New York to start a new life. Accept being two persons in one, gives me little time for relaxing or making friends. So we lived the past 3 years in solitary.” Finishing your beer in one take, looking at Steve for a moment trying to estimate his reaction.

With a soft pull, he lets you fall into him. He hugs you tight, while you lean into his warm embrace. When you move, Steve lets you go, you whisper a small no and adjusting your position between his arms. “y/n,..” Steve whispers into your ear, his warm breath tickling your neck. “Ssss…Steve. Just hold me…It’s been a long time, since someone held me.” you say, savouring the moment. "I held you recently.." Steve smiles at you, slightly shuckling. "Oh, did you.." replying playfully, locking eyes with him. This moment was perfect, you could stay this way for a long time. It made you feel warm and wanted, something you didn’t feel for a long time. Steve evoked feelings in you, you thought were gone, just as your husband. For a moment Steve felt brave and cupped your face with his hand. He looks you deep in the eyes and kisses you.


	8. Accepting Change

“I'm sorry, that was out off line”, Steve pulls back, a blush creeping upon his face. “It’s okay, it was a nice kiss”, you say softly, smiling at your hands, “Steve..I..-“

" I think I should go", interrupting you, looking guiltriden and even a little frightened. “You don't have to..please don't feel guilty or out off line. I don't know about you, but I feel attracted to you. There’s something that pulls me towards you. I think I’m entitled too, I’ve been a widow for 3 years, gives me the right to move on, right?" you look questioningly at Steve seeing an insecure look in his face, makes your heart drop. Thinking that the feelings aren't mutually, you see the concern in his eyes, “Is something wrong Steve?”

"Its just that..my work. It’s dangerous...I'm away for unknown time...not being able to contact you...You can’t know what.." Steve stumbles, you start laughing, he looks suprised at you.

"Sorry, I’m not laughing at you. Steve, uhmmm...your overthinking things. Sweetie, I know who you are, I know the hazard your work brings. So don't freak out..Lets just take it step by step and get to know each other", shrugging your shoulders.

"At least I think you like me, listening at you rambling about..", making eye contact, seeing the insecurity in his eyes."I.. need to think about..I don't want to make you worry or make the kids worry about my wellbeing.."Steve mumbles.

"Steve, you're way ahead of yourself..I know what your trying to do..But can you actually give me a good reason why we shouldn't try this..Isobel, and I think Alex too, already figured out we like each other. She even said I should try it, giving me the okay", you smile at Steve, seeing that your words aren’t affecting him. It seems to make him doubt this even more.

“Don't be afriad of hurting us, or leaving us behind, we will manage..You're trying to be responsible, think with your head, but need to start thinking with your heart.. Steve, it’s alot and you don't want to betray mine nor your heart, but is worrying about that fair to your heart", taking his hands, you look him in the eyes, “Go home and think about this..I will wait for your answer, either way, you're most welcome in our home", squeezing his hands affirmation, seeing his still worried expression, he’s in conflict with himself and you can’t do a thing about it.

  
You stand up and walk towards the door. Steve looks at you, not knowing what to say. He wants to be with you, his whole body longs for you. He doesn't want you and your kids to go through something samilair when a mission goes wrong. It hurts him, just thinking about it. “Come here, Captain”, motioning for him to give you a hug, engolving you in a tight hug. Resting your head against his beating heart, you sigh and look up to him, “Steve, don’t overthink it, okay” you kiss him on his cheek, lingering for a moment by his lips, swallowing your thought away, you bit him goodnight. Hoping you would see him tomorrow.   
  
Walking into your bedroom, you can’t seem to stop smiling. You guess that Steve feels the same way, but is scared about his line of work and your or your kids reaction. He doesn’t want you to get hurt again. He has a loving heart, but shouldn’t worry so much. Thinking that way, kept him from making friends and finding love. You would talk with about that tomorrow. Your last thought before falling asleep was about Steve and how it would feel if he lay by your side.  
  
Waking up, you didn’t want to get up. You had the most beautiful and may you at little steamy dream. You rather wanted to stay in bed and linger in that dream a little. A blush open your cheeks, thinking about the scene before you woke up. The teenage girl in you squealed and made you feel embarrassed. Deciding that chores didn’t do them self, you stand up with a heavy sigh. Looking at the clock, you smile, within an hour or less you would see him again.

Once downstairs, you start your morning routine. Cheerful humming to the music on the radio, you ask yourself when you would hear that knock on your door and if you should make pancakes?

“Morning mommy, did you sleep well?” Alex greets you giving you the brightest smile ever. “Yes little buggy, why’d you ask..” you eye your youngone suspicious, “Oh, just asking mommy.” he smiles again. When Isobel is downstairs, she walks in and out of the kitchen. It look like she is searching for something. Coming back into the kitchen she finally greets you, “Morning..where’s Steve? It’s 8, even if it’s saturday, he normally would be here”, she looked a little panicked.

Looking at the clock, you notice the time and start to worry. He would be here by 6:30, that meant he was an hour and a half late. It was not typical for him. You start to doubt yourself and wonder if it was your conversation last night, that made him think otherwise. Did you scare him of? The radio interrupts your thoughts.

_“We interrupt the show for a newsflash. This morning we got the news that the Avengers know as Captain America, Scarlet Witch and Falcon are missing. They were on their way to Peru when their plane went off the radar._ _It is unknown what had happened to the Avengers. As far as we know, there hasn't been radiocontact since last nights. Please look out for any kind of information and keep listening for updates. If you have information please contact with the following number....”_  
  
That was the reason he wasn't here, went on a mission last night, not being able to tell you. Now he or rather they were missing. He would be alright, right? Nothing to worry about, right? "Mommy is Steve alright, he's missing right?" Alex looks at you, "I don't know little bug." you kneel infront of him and give him a hug. You feel Isobel's arm around you. Could your family make it through this?

**\---------------Time Skip---------------**

Standing in the kitchen, you clean the dishes while listening to the radio. There’s still no news about the missing Avengers and you pas worrying. For nearly 3 weeks they’re missing in Peru. The first week you were calm and confident, as days started turning in to weeks you gruw worried and felt anxiety for Steve. What had happened, were they still alive, was one of them wounded or even worse captured.

Your mind starts racing again, just like it had the last week, mostly at night. You were sleep deprived and functioning on coffee and adrenaline. Isobel helped you as good as she could and even Alex was sweet and didn’t pick fights with his sister. You noticed that they were worried too, but didn’t dare to admit it to you, seeing your state.

How’d you love to see him, tell him how you felt. That missing him made you realise it wasn’t just a crush, your were in love. You wanted to take his worries away, but this situation made you realise, why he was so worried. You hadn’t slept for hours and had time enough to think about being in a relation with Captain America. If he would give in to his feelings, only if, it could mean you had more of these nights. Question was, were you ready for that? It would be foolish to think you would get used to it. It was something that had to be discussed, maybe even set rules and boundaries, not only for you, but for your kids to. Realising what this did to your family, it also made you realise how you missed him. More then you would like to admit. You missed his warm arms around you, his sweet and soft voice, the blush upon his cheeks when he was embarrassed and those lips, that kiss, if that was just a taste of what was to come.

Washing the glass for the umpteenth time, when a knock on your door, made you check in to reality. You blink a few times and hear a second knock. Alex and Isobel come out of the living room, you motion them to stay there, not knowing who’s at the door. You look through the window and see a star-spangled uniform, it looks tattered and even bloodstained. Could it be Steve? It couldn’t, right? Looking around for any kind of weapon, you choose an umbrella, slightly laughing to yourself and your choice.

Opening the door, you are greeted by an tired, blood and mud stained, Steve. When you lock eyes with him he gives you the brightest smile he can give in his state. “Steve..” you choke out, smiling back at him, tears starting to run down your cheeks. You steps towards you and picks you up in a tight hug. Fully embracing you, his arms around your waist and shoulders, breathing in your sent, when you hug him back he wimps in pain.

Pulling back from the hug, you look him in the eyes, cup his face, “Hé, welcome home.” you caress his cheek, while he nods silently. “See, this is what I was talking about..” he says with a raspy voice, trying to reinforce his point. You shuckle a little and shake your head. 

“Lets talk about this later”, you pressing your head against his, sighed, breathing in his sent, his cologne, mixed with iron, earth and sweat. “Alex, Isobel, he’s here.” Within a second there are thundering footsteps, two pair of eyes looking if it’s really him. When they realise it’s Steve, they jump in his arms. “Hello, you two, carefull”, Steve smiles and kneels to hugg them tight.

“Hey, I missed you guys he smiles, the tears in his eyes finally falling, he held them in for so long. Seeing those two and you back, was the most wonderful gift he got, after getting back from that shithole. “euw, you stink.” Alex eclaims, taking his distance from Steve, while pinching his nose. Laughing at the reaction off Alex you motion for Steve to come further, “Come on, Captain, time for a shower. I think I have some clothes from my husband lying around.” You pull Steve inside, seeing something move on his back. Turning him around you see his duffle bag, hang on his shoulder. “uhm, I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted to see all of you, as soon as I got out of the plain.” he looks apologetic at you.

“No really! didn’t figure that one out. It’s the second door on the right.” Rolling your eyes at him, he jump up the first two flight of stairs, forgetting his injury for a moment. “Captain, wait a minute.” Steve turns around, seeing you approach him, going up three stairs, you’re at the same level as him. “You’re hungry?” asking innocently, his eyes darken and a grin appears on his face. “Not, tonight doll.” He smiles, blushing from his own forward reaction and you staring wide eyed at him, “I didn’t mean that!” you exclaim, making Steve turn crimson. “uhm,, yeah, in that case, I would kill for a sandwich.” He tries to gain his composure. “Okay, one sandwich coming up.” You smile, giving him a wink. Walking down the stairs, he takes your hand and turns you in one swift moment. “Don’t be so cheeky, doll”, he says hoars against your lips, then kisses you. The kiss is just long enough to know that it isn’t a just a kiss, it’s full off emotions and an unspoken promisse.

“Go clean yourself up, there’s a first aid kit under the sink. I will make something to eat. When the kids are in bed we can talk.” You smile soft. “Yes, ma’m”, he salutes and runs shuckling upstairs. This felt good, it felt like home. It was something he came to realise during his survival in the rainforest. For days they walked around, trying to hide for a group of mercenaries, Wanda and Sam wounded, Wanda having panic attacks and him feeling useless, taking as much of the night shifts as he could. He went with days without sleep, thinking of you and your little family. Thinking of how he couldn’t let you know where he was, not telling you how he really felt, how he regretted not taking that kiss tot he next level. When everyone was asleep, he would feel miserable, blaming himself for leaving you alone, yet again. It was thinking of you and those two energyballs of kids, that kept him going those weeks. When they finally reached a little village, they were able to make contact. He felt so relieved, knowing he would get to go home, to you and promised himself he would not chicken out, once you two were alone. He would come clean about his feelings for you.


	9. Slowly moving on

_“Stuck on the wrong side of heaven__, But I did it to myself, I did it to myself, Traded in my forever, But I did it to myself,”_ singing to the song on the radio, you make Steve a sandwich. Smiling to the lyrics sung by Anastacia, you can’t help but identify yourself with what is sang. The winds were changing, you were feeling like you again, starting to be the mom, you were before all of it happened. When he came into your life, it ignited your fire again, he remembered you of who your were. “_And I put my heart back together,__ Yeah I put my heart back together_”, smiling to yourself, you set the table and walk towards your kids in the living room. Hearing a thud and crash from upstairs, startles you and the kids.

“I’ll go check on Steve, Isobel look after your brother please and don’t open the door for anyone”, you warn before going upstairs. Stopping in front of the bathroom door, you hesitated before you knock. Maybe you heard it wrong, he was probably in the shower, you should disturb him. You listen if you hear the shower run, but hear nothing, not even the sound of someone moving. “Steve, everything okay?” standing in front of the door, waiting for him to answer. When you get no answer, you decide to open the door slightly.   
  
Steve’s sitting on the grond, his leggs sprawled out before him, his upperpiece from his uniform half undone. Seeing him that way, takes your doubt away and decide to go in and help him. “Steve you okay ?”, you ask again approaching him carefully.  
  
As you get closer, you see the tears streaming down his face. “Steve, whats wrong, you okay, are you hurt?”, you kneel beside him. He turns towards you, barely registering you’re there. When you call his name again, it’s like someone shook him awake, his eyes becoming lively. Noticing you next to him, he gives you a small smile, but can't seem to answer your question.

Courage taking over you, you stand up and sit across his lap, your knees touching his thighs. When he notices you in front of him, he hugs you. His grips tightens when he realises it’s really you, holding on to you for his life. Fisting your clothes, starting tos ob into your shirt. “Steve it’s okay, you’re here. You’re home, save”, you caress his hair.  
  


“I’m sorry, I don’t…I’m not the person to let emotions run freely”, he apologizes to you, wiping the tears away. “Don’t you dare apologize for having feelings or letting off some steam. Yeash, If I’ve went through what you just went through. Well, just say, crying was a start of coping with it. So please, don’t apologize”, using your mothervoice, you stroke his cheek with your thumb. He leans in your touch, closing his eyes, relaxing for a minute. 

“I’m tired, my wounds will heal quickly, thanks to the serum. When we were stuck in Peru, I did most of the night shifts. When Wanda and Sam were awake, I took a quick nap, before we started moving again. When you’re sleep deprived, you start thinking about things, let’s just say they aren’t soothing fort he mind. I’m tired, sore, hungry, but mostly glad to be here, with you”, his smile lopsided, trying to hide the weariness. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, so you can eat and get some sleep”, trying to stand up, but Steve tuggs your arm, pushing you into him, embracing you thought. “I would like to stay, like this a little bit longer”, he says soft, laying his chin on top of your head. Laying your arms around his neck, you smile at him, humming as an okay, makes his smile brighten up.

“I was worried about you. I couldn’t inform you about the mission, so I didn’t know what you would think, when I didn’t show up the next morning. When we were lost, all I kept thinking about, was not being able to contact you. Letting you know I was okay, those thoughts scared me. It made me realize……I missed you, I missed the kids”, swallowing hard, avoiding eye contact with you. A blush creeping up on his cheeks. “Even when they aren’t mine and you aren’t my…..girlfriend. The thought of not ever seeing you guys again...”, Steve thightens his grip on you. Nuzzling the crook of your neck. Inhaling your sent, letting out a sigh. It was a rude wake up call, but the one he needed.   
  
“Steve, I don’t know what to say. Sorry, seems so out of place. You had to go through this and worry about us too. You didn’t have to, sure I was scared for you. Not sure had happened to you, or was still happening to you. I can’t take those feeling away from you, I can be there for you and listen to your stories”, kissing his forehead, “Like you listened to me”, you kiss his cheek, “Like you made me feel me again,”your lips linger against his.  
  
With a swift movement Steve captures your lips in a soft kiss. Enlightening a flutter in your stomach. Your heart pounding in your chest His grip on you tightens, pulling you closer to his chest. Raw emotions in his every touch. Coming back for air, he smiles a geniune smile at you. Taking away his shyness and meeting you halfway for another kiss, this time a passionate kiss. All his emotions are in this kiss, he missed you, needed you to be close, to be his. Not caring if your clothes get dirty, with his blood or dirt. Devouring your mouth, claiming it again and again, until you both are breathless. Laying his head against yours, “You okay”, asking while breathing heavy. “I’m fine, sorry for my meltdown,” giving you a quick kiss. “I get it, your tired, I know that feeling. It can take all your hopes, a sense of time, even your hunger away”, you run a hand through his hair. Kissing him quick on the mouth, you stand up. Looking at the Avenger on the ground, extending your hand. “Need help to stand up?”, you quirked an eyebrow, a smug smile plastered on your face.

“Are you mocking me, doll?”, he smiles playful, “I can get up myself”, standing up gronnin with each pull on his wounds. stretching his back, from sitting on the ground for some time.

“Okay, sorry. Just wanted to offer you some help”, you say walking towards the door. Looking back at the tall Avenger trying to take off the upper part of his uniform. “Need some help with that?” you ask playful, a blush on your cheeks.

  
“Don't tempt my, doll”, Steve growls the last part. “Let me fresh up and I’ll be downstairs to eat that sandwich off yours”, motioning you to go downstairs. “MY sandwich, who’s tempting, who, Captain?” emphasising my, grinning while opening the door. When you turn around to make another comment, Steve throws his uniform at you. “Get out!” you shuckles, before turning on the shower and fully undressing. “The towels are in the cabinet under the sink” you yell walking downstairs.

Coming downstairs you get a questioning look from Isobel. “Steve’s tired and fell, I had to help him up. He’s taking a shower”, you answer swiftly before disappearing into the kitchen. Isobel follows you, “I'm glad he’s okay, mama. Will he be staying over?”, she asks trying to hide her excitement. “Would you be okay with that?”, you ask surprised, eyeing your daughter. “You said he was tired. He needs to sleep. You always say, that we don’t let our guest leave when they are too tired to pay attention to the road”, Isobel shruggs.

“It would mean that you and your brother stay in the same bedroom. If he stays, I was thinking that he needed a good night sleep, so he can sleep in my bed. I will sleep in you’re bed and you get to have a sleepover with your brother”, summing up the plan makes Isobel frown, “I’m not going to sleep with that goofball”. She exclaimes crossing her arms. “You can stay in your own bed and Steve can sleep next to you”, Isobel snickers, seeing Steve standing behind you scratching his neck in embarrassment. 

“Why don’t you ask him, yourself”, Alex motioning to you that Steve’s stands behind you. You turn around and see him standing there a shy smile upon his face. “He, we were just discussing how we would arrange the bed, with you staying over”, you look at Steve, who’s trying to form an answer, but fails miserably. “I suggested, you would sleep with mom in one bed”, Isobel grins widely, seeing the resemblance between her and your smile. “If your mom doesn't mind sharing her bed, I wouldn't mind”, answering back, satisfied with his own answer.

“I won’t mind, just a slight warning, my feet are always cold”, you try to play it cool, but inside you have butterflies in your stomach and your mind is racing. What would you wear, did you shave your legs, did you have morning breath? How’d you look in the morning, oh god, if he was interested in you, wait until morning, it would be over soon. Face palming yourself internally, you hope you have time to freshen up before going to bed.

Steve’s eyeing you, “Y/N, you okay?”, seeing a slight panic in your eyes. “Yes, I just remembered that the bathroom needs to be cleaned. Can I go upstairs? The kids are in the living room, they’re wachting a movie. Won’t take long”, with that you’re heading upstairs, not seeing the amused smile on Steve’s face. You were nervous about sleeping in one bed, it made him relax more knowing that. He was a man of honour, he would behave, at least the first night. Joining the kids in the room, he chuckled when he heard you rumbling through the closets upstairs. This could be fun.


	10. Letting love in

You try to clean the bathroom and shave your legs at the same time. Meanwhile you try not to freak out, it’s been 3 years since you slept with a person in bed. Not counting the times your children had slept with you, because they were sick or had a nightmare. But not with a man, let alone a handsome man, a man you were attracted to, a man that was attracted to you. Letting your thoughts run freely and panicking at the same time. Would you go all the way, would he want to go all the way. God, you hadn’t have sex for almost 3,5 years. You thought, it was closed down there for good. Not expecting a godlike person, having feelings for you. Looking at yourself in the mirror, your face red from your thought and hair wild because of the way you were behaving in the bathroom. Checking the bathroom for a last time, eyeing yourself in the mirror, you decide to go downstairs. Hoping those red marks in your neck would disappear soon.

Walking into the living room you stop and look at the sight before you. Steve is sitting on the couch, Alex upon his lap, resting against his chest and Isobel leaning against him, his arm rapped around her. They’re watching a movie, laughing at the funny parts and discussing thing they find odd in the movie. You hear Isobel ask Steve something about a stunt and lean in to hear him explain, that it’s sometimes possible for a person to do that. Once she has her answer, she leans against Steve. “Well, I see you’re feeling at home”, you smile walking towards the couch. Sitting yourself on the left, you pet the place next to you for Isobel to sit next to you. “No, nuhuh. You just want me to warm you up. Steve’s warm and comfortable. I’m not going to be your blanket”, Isobel sticks her tongue out. Steve’s chest rumbles, trying to hold in his laugh, but fails and laughs out loud. You cross your arms and pout, “No, fair. I’m your mom. I car..”, you continue, but stop seeing Alex get of Steve’s lap and snuggling into you, “It’s okay mommy, I will keep you warm.”, he smiles up to you, “Thank you, little bug”, you smile back at him.

Watching the movie in silence, you enjoy the relaxing feeling that comes over you. Ignoring the nagging feeling in your stomach, but not the thoughts in your head. What would become of your family, when you two decided to try a relationship. It seemed that both of your kids were fond of Steve and liked him having around. It was the most relaxed you had your kinds seen, after their fathers dead. That made you also frightened, what if you tried a relationship and it didn’t work out. It would devastate your kids, could you go back to just friends, after being intimate? All those questions, made you panic in another way, then you had nearly an hour ago. This panic made your stomach turn and you felt suffocated, how could you make the right choice?

Looking at Isobel relaxed against Steve, made your heart hurt, your little girl hadn’t been this close to someone for so long, it took her a while to let you back into her world, giving her a hug even took longer. Now she had excepted him without hesitating, telling you to take the jump. But what if you took the jump and you crash-landed? You look from her to Steve, who’s been watching you and seeing your inner turmoil. Mouthing a ‘what’s wrong’ to you, you shake your head no, Steve frown back at you, not believing that there’s nothing. Giving into his frown, you whisper soft, “I will tell you later”, which reassures Steve, giving you a warm smile.

“Well that was a nice movie. Now it’s time for bed you two”, your two kids whining about their bedtime. “Come on you two, mom says it’s bedtime”, repeating your words, hoping you didn’t find it awkward that he said mom. Alex and Isobel stand up instantly and start running up the stairs, “You should say that more often, they listen to you”, trying not to look as surprised as you feel. Seeing Steve feel embarrassed at your comment, his signature blush creeping upon his face. What had gotten in your kids, normally it took you some time to get them into bed. Now they went voluntarily. “Can Steve tuk me in again?”, Alex shouts from upstairs, you smile at Steve, hearing your son ask for him. “Go on, go tuk him in. I’m coming to”, gesturing for Steve to walk upstairs, pushing him a little, as he seems to hesitate. Walking up the stairs, he can’t stop smiling, hearing Alex and Isobel bickering about something.

“Isobel seemed eager to go to sleep”, you say, approaching Steve, “Alex did to, I think he’s already asleep”, Steve whispers., stiffening a yawn. Smiling at his failing attempt, you point him to your room, “Go make yourself comfortable, I will go clean up downstairs. It won’t take long, just putting the dishes away and lock the door”, pushing Steve inside your bedroom, quickly going downstairs.

When everything is cleaned up downstairs and your door is locked you decide to go upstairs. With every step you take, you get more anxious, knowing you need to talk about the elephant in the room. Before you two can move forward, you need to discuss what effect it will have on your surroundings. Knowing it will spoil the moment a knot settles in your stomach. How you want to give in to those butterflies to, but you need to think of you kids and how devastated they would be when it didn’t work out.

It’s weird to knock on your own door, but you do it anyway. Wouldn’t want to disturbed him in something, going inside you see his sleeping form. His face is relaxed and looks for the first time since he got back, painless and at ease. You quickly change into your pj’s in the bathroom and sigh to yourself, guess you had to talk about it another time.

When you sit on the side of the bed, you stare into the distance. Were you overthinking it, shouldn’t you just take the leap, maybe it would work out, if you didn’t try, you wouldn’t know, “What’s on your mind? Something is upsetting you”, his hoarse voice startles you a little. “I thought you were sleeping? Didn’t want to disturb you”, a crack in your own voice.

“I was, a little at least, What’s wrong, you’ve had that look on your face all evening.”, Steve ask, facing your back, leaning on his arm. “I just…..I’m overthinking things…I need to figure out my own thoughts, It’s okay, go to sleep,” you say soft, feeling a movement on your bed, followed by legs on each side of you and two strong warm arms wrapped around you. You lean into his chest, letting out a sigh of frustration. “I can see the turmoil, doll. Tell me, I think I can help, we probable have the same worries….about…Us”, he whispers in your ear, making the hairs in your neck stand up.

“I doubt, that we have the same worries about this relationships.. We’re you..-“, you started, “I worry about the kids”, Steve interrupts you, surprising you with this. You look up to him, seeing him smile, but concern is in his eyes. “I worry, about them too”, he nods his head, reassuring you heard right. “It’s just,……When we really try this relationship and it works out at the beginning…-“, you feel Steve’s grip tighten on you, laying his head on our shoulder, “but it doesn’t work out, how will the kids cope with it”, he completing your sentence. He again surprises you with his own thoughts. How could this man be so worried about two kids that weren’t his. As if he could read your mind he continues, “I don’t know, but from the moment they accepted me in this house, I felt responsible for them. It changed my way of thinking. To be honest I like it, makes me feel…”, he lingers, should he really say what he was thinking, “…part of the family?”, you add, smiling up at him, his eyes brighten at your words, this family, maybe someday his family.

“We will figure it out.. We’re both worrying about the kids. To be honest it’s hard to control myself when I’m with you. Sometimes….I want to give you a kiss without feeling awkward…or hug you or just hold your hand..without it feeling out of place”, Steve rambles, a nervous edge to his voice. 

“I have feelings for you and I don’t want to hide it anymore..There I’ve said it..”, he sighs, loosening his grip on you, like he expect you to recline his feelings.

“Steve, I think it was obvious when you told me, you wanted to kiss me”, you chuckle lightly, “But…I have feelings for you to. And it’s getting harder to deny them”, you soft voice gives your vulnerability away. Looking up at the tall Avenger, who’s looking back at you giving one of his handsome smiles. His eyes searching for the confirmation he heard you right. You nod slightly to invigorate your answer, a smile on your lips. Steve bents down to kiss you soft on the lips, lingering a moment before parting again. “We should talk to the kids about us”, leaning into his chest, stiffening a yawn. “We can do that, in the morning”, Steve yawns, “Let’s go to sleep, the days have been long”, he yawns again, parting from you to lay at his side of the bed. Looking at Steve, laying comfortable in your bed, you pout missing the warmth you were engulfed in. Laughing at your face, he leans forward, pulling you onto the bed. You smile at his gesture, pulling the comforter over you, settling next to him. With a soft ‘come here doll’, he has you laying against him, feeling awkward for a moment, only to be spooning a second later. Finally letting sleep take over, you both have one of the most peaceful nights since a long time.


	11. Capturing Parenthood

When you wake up the next morning, the spot next to you is empty. Was it all a dream, was Steve still missing? Laying your hand on the spot next to you, feeling its semi-warm. Your mind is still a little foggy from sleep, when you hear the shattering of a plate. You jolt awake, realizing that the sun is shining. Were your kids up? Were they downstairs? What were they doing? How long did you sleep? Looking at the alarm next to you, you see its 7 a.m., realizing you overslept almost 2 hours, you rush out of bed. Putting your robe you go downstairs, where you are greeted with the smell of fresh coffee. Expecting the worst and biggest mess you could imagine, you’re startled when you see a clean kitchen and a breakfast set table. Rubbing your eyes, to make sure you’re awake you walk into the kitchen, were you’re greeted with a smiling Steve.

“Good morning, did you sleep well?”, he smiles, continuing his work. “Yeah, uh..yes I mean”, your voice still hoarse from sleep. “Morning mommy”, Alex dashed past you and seats himself at the table. “Good morning, mom”, Isobel greets and hugs you. “Morning, sweetie…Are you….”, looking Isobel over you realize she is already dressed, “dressed? When.. how…”, you looking at your kids, not only Isobel is dressed, but Alex too. Giving Steve a questioning look, “Is this my family? I think I need to go back upstairs?” you say absentmindedly. “No, you’re not”, Steve says approaching you. “Come sit down and eat first”, he says while kissing your head, Isobel and Alex snicker with the gesture from Steve.

“So, you two little monsters, why is it that you’re already dressed for school?” eyeing your kids. Alex looking intense at his yoghurt, while Isobel tries to win the staring contest with you, “It’s Steve’s fault, he said we couldgetdressedalready, Hesaidwecouldgodownstairs. He…he…he…started breakfast…” Isobel pointed at Steve, trying to divert the attention from her. Looking at Steve, he gives a lopsided smile, while drinking his coffee, “What’s wrong with it?” he shrugs. Raising your eyebrow for more information, “Steve, I can’t read minds, so would you fill me in”, asking calm, a grin on your face.

Setting his coffee on the table, he turns to you, “I was up early and busted those two already being up. So I figured, if they were already up, they could dress themselves and go downstairs. Seeing you were still asleep and I didn’t want to wake you, I went downstairs with them. We already made lunch for school and checked if all the homework was done, nothing special”, he shrugs again, sipping his coffee. You look at your two kids, then back at him. Should you take it as a sign from your kids, that they were okay with it? They interacted so naturally with him, it almost seemed as if Steve was their father. “Thank you”, leaning forward giving Steve a kiss on the lips, “eeuwh, get a room!” Isobel exclaims, “Don’t look Alex”, she adds and keeps his eyes close with her hand.

“Isobel behave!”, you chuckle at the reaction of your daughter. “Behave? You’re the one who needs to behave. We’re kids for crying out loud, don’t kiss in front of us, eeuwh”, she scolds, she wrinkles her nose. “Oh, you mean this?”, you ask kissing Steve again, who’s looking amused at the two of you, but feels embarrassed by your actions. “eeuwh, yes gross don’t do that again, not with us in the room!” she giggles a little, waiting for your reaction, “Well, get used to it, we like each other that way..”, you freeze for a minute, their you’ve said it, anxious for the reaction of your kids.

Alex drops his spoon, “Like, like each other? Like boyfriend and girlfriend, like each other?”, Isobel looks from you to Steve and back again. “Well, you see Alex..”, Steve starts, getting nervous by the look on Alex’s face. “Like boyfriend and girlfriend”, you swallow, your heart is beats rapidly. “So technically, you’re dating Captain America?”, Alex ask looking at you, “Well, uhm..we’ve discussed dating, so officially we’re not dating, but we’re thinking about it. We wanted it to discuss it with you guys”, you try to answer calmly. “You mean like Steve, could be our new dad?”, Isobel asks, her eyes shining bright, awaiting your answer. You swallow again, before a quiet yes leaves your lips, bracing yourself for the next reaction. “I knew it!”, Alex exclaims, “How cool is that, Captain America is our new dad! I need to tell my friends at school.”, he smiles and continues to eat breakfast. “Wait a minute there, Alex. You’re getting ahead of things. We want to try dating, we don’t know if things will work out between us”, trying to calm the excitement of your kids. “Don’t be such a party-pooper, mom! We’re sure things will work out. Steve knows how to handle us, handle you to and we like him back. So problem solved”, Isobel smiled, proud of her answer and argument. “Is that so?”, you look at your daughter with a smug smile on her face. “Well, Steve, guess our problem is solved then”, you smile at the tall Avenger. “I guess so. We can finally hold hands and kiss each other”, Steve smiles ad you, waiting for Isobel’s or Alex’s reaction.

“Noo, please do that when we’re not around. I beg you”, Isobel reacts, standing up from her chair and putting the dishes in the sink. “See, I’m in the next room, now you can do that, bye”, running into the living room she hears you laugh, “So that’s what I needed to do, to clean up your stuff. Should have known that sooner”, you yell after her, standing up and start to clean the table. “Mom, are you two really dating. Or we’re you just joking around with Isobel?”, Alex asks out of the blue, a serious face and worry in his eyes. “Little bug, what’s wrong. Why do you ask?” concern in your voice, was Alex not okay with this relationship? Shifting on his chair, Alex’s looks at Steve, “I really like you and I’m okay with you dating my mom. But please don’t hurt her, my dad and her dad are not around to tell you so, so I will. She’s suffered enough, it’s time for her to be happy again and you make her happy. We all see that, but don’t break her heart. Or I will stop being your fan”, his voice cracking a little, “Alex, sweetie…come here..” motioning for your son to hug you, he leaps into your arms. Caressing his hair, you hug him tight, “My little hero, don’t worry, Steve and I already talked about it. Don’t worry about it”, kissing the top of his head, swallowing at the thought your son felt obligated to do the ‘men’ talk to Steve. “Go play a little, before we go to school”, giving him another hug, “You did well, buddy. I will do my very best”, Steve smiles, opening his arms to welcome Alex in a hug. Hugging Steve back Alex whispers “I know you will”, and runs to the living room to play with Isobel.

“Well, what a morning, Is it okay if I go upstairs and get dressed?” you ask Steve, “Sure, go ahead, I will clean up the kitchen. I need to get my duffle bag, so I will be upstairs soon”, feeling awkward at the idea of you changing in that room, getting a questioning look from you. “I need to go back to the compound. There are a few things I need to arrange, now that I have..a..girlfriend”, a blush on his face when he refers to you as his girlfriend. “Oh, I’m curious what that could mean”, giving him a crooked smile, making him even more embarrassed. “I will tell you when I get back tonight. Go change or you’ll be late for work”, he smiles, it will take a while getting used to this kind of interaction. He never really had a real relationship, before things with Peggy could take off, he got iced. He felt that little insecure boy from Brooklyn again, you had experience and he had slim to none. He should tell you, but for that he had to gather a lot of courage. Sure he knew how and what to do, but being occupied with saving the world constantly, made experiencing any kind of a relationship nearly impossible.

Walking upstairs, he notices the bathroom door open. You’re wearing a pair off blue jeans, a button-up-shirt and brown boots, standing on the tip of your toes doing your make-up. Feeling someone look at you, you take a glance in the hallway, seeing Steve stare at you. “See, what you like, Stevie?” wiggling your eyebrows, while trying to put on mascara. Steve shakes his head, a shy smile gracing his face, “I do actually”, he answers and disappears into the bedroom. Only to come out later, with his duffle bag. “We’re ya going soldier?” you ask coming out of the bathroom, you hair still down. Stopping in front of Steve, trapping him between you and the wall. “Doll, don’t start” he sighs, you being so close to him, makes his mind go foggy. “Don’t start what?”, you ask innocently while standing on the tip of your toes, trying to close the gap between your lips and his. “Don’t tempt me, y/n. We both need to go downstairs and work”, he breaths heavy. “I’m not tempting, just want a little kiss”, you ask innocently, breathing against his lips, looking at him through your lashes. “You sure just a little kiss”, his voice is husky, bending down to close the gap between you and him. Kissing you ever so lightly on the lips, but warm. A kiss so innocent, but so intimate and electrifying. A hand disappearing into your hair, the other resting in the small of your back. Pushing you against him, the kiss deeper, more passionate. Your hands settling in the back of his neck, playing with the ends of his hair. A smile grew on both of your faces, when you finally pulled apart.

“Mom..It’s time we need to go to school!” Isobel yelled. Pouting your lips you look up at the tall Avenger, his lips swollen, his cheek red and his eyes dark. Probable the same way you looked. “We really need to get things started”, Steve said scrapping his voice, your eyebrow raised interrogative, “Not that, I meant going to work, yeash it’s like I’m dating Tony”, Steve rolled his eyes, “Get downstairs”, a chuckle rumbling in his chest. 


	12. A family again

When you come downstairs, you’re met with two pair of sad eyes. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” the concern in your voice. “It’s just..today you have….It’s teacher/parent conference day at your school. We have to stay at school until you’re done”, Isobel pouts. “Oh, Honey, I’m sorry, but you know it’s twice a year”, hugging Isobel thigh, you look at Alex, who’s grinning mischievously. “Alex, whatever you’re thinking, just don’t”, you warn him, giving him the ‘eyes’. Alex shrugs his shoulder, “I was just wondering if Steve could watch us, while you have those conferences”, his smile brightening. “Alex, Steve’s got other appointments and besides you can’t ask such things from him”, while lecturing your son, you see the smile on Steve’s face brighten, oh no, he’s going to do that, you fist palm yourself internally. “I can’t find a reason why not”, Steve smiles, “It’s the same as this morning, right?” he reassures you. “Well, kind of... they need to do their homework to and…” starting to explain the things that need to be done, Isobel interrupts you, “Mom, we know what we need to do, just let Steve try okay? We’ll behave, I promise?” putting on her puppy eyes, soon to be joined by the eyes of Alex and Steve standing behind them. You look at Steve, “Traitor…”, you whisper, sighing you give in, “Fine, but one wrong move and…”, you start, “It’s going to be okay, let it go, we’ll manage”, Steve lays a hand on your shoulder. “Give me your number, I’ll text you when I’m in the building, so I can pick up the kids”, handing you his phone. Internally you held your fingers crossed, hopefully your kids would behave. You knew what kind of monsters they could be after a schoolday, especially Isobel and her homework.

……….

“You look nice today, Miss y/l/n”, a student greats you, while entering your classroom, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Thank you, Sarah”, you smile, hopefully nobody noticed your absentminded behavior. Trying to finish your notes from last period, you smile thinking about your encounter this morning, it felt so natural, your kids acted so natural and reacted so grown up to the situation. They took your anxiety away and made you realize this relationship didn’t have to end badly. As usually you were overthinking.

Continuing your lesson as usually, you tried as focused as you could. It was like you were a substitute teacher again, searching for the worksheets, constantly losing your pen and the questions from your students seemed for some reason difficult today. Surely some of your students had to notice your behavior today, thankfully none of them made a comment about it.

Even the parent/teacher conferences went by quickly. Deciding to check your e-mail one more time, you log in to check your e-mail. Seeing the amount of new e-mails you sigh and decide to reply the urgent ones, the other e-mails have to wait until tonight, just like your lessonplan. You really want to go home on time, you want to save Steve before those two take advantage of the situation. The screen of your phone lights up and catches your eye when you see Steve’s name in the corner. Looking at the message you smile to yourself, ‘Still at work?’, reads the message, replying with a quick ‘Yes’, you continue your work, only to be disturbed by another message, ‘How long will it take, diners ready…:9)..’, it reads, you smile at his failed attempt to send an emoji. ‘I’m coming home, don’t let it burn :p’, you chuckle at your own message, hopefully he didn’t burn down the house. Closing the door to your classroom, you can’t help but enjoy the warm feeling Steve’s message gives you. You had someone to go home to and it felt good. Sure you loved coming home to your kids, but this made you feel you like a woman again, not only mom and teacher.

Stepping out of the car, you walk towards the door. Expecting noise or shattering things you approach your house with caution, hearing nothing. Looking through the kitchen window, you see Steve standing by the sink doing dishes, it warms your heart seeing how big of an effort he’s making. But where are your kids? You can’t seem to find them and get a little anxious. While standing in front of your door, you search for your keys. It feels like forever to find your keys, hearing Steve call out towards your kids, calms your nerves. Walking inside your welcomed with warmth and a smell off something delicious cooking, “I’m home” you yell, feeling awkward at the gesture. Remembering this feeling when you got home to your husband, makes you a little sad. Hanging up your coat, you look at the picture at the wall. A picture off the four of you, at an amusement park, happy smiling, all three engulfed in the big arms of your husband. Caressing the picture absentmindedly, you don’t register Steve standing next to you. “Are you okay with me starting over?” you ask the picture, “I promise I won’t forget you, I just can’t take it any longer being alone. I need someone at my side and I think…he’s the right person”, you smile towards the picture, a single tear rolling down your face, “The kids, you got to see the kids, their so happy around them. Like when they were with you, so careless and free”, you sniff and wipe away the tears. Just now registering Steve in the corner of your eyes, startling you a little. Without any words he takes you in his arms, hugging you tight. “It’s okay, don’t feel embarrassed, you two need to talk sometimes, even if he’s not there. I don’t feel offended”, he smiles into your hair. You nuzzle a little closer to his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, he was warm and comforting, just the things you need after a hard day of work. “I’m sorry Steve, It’s just coming home like this, it made me remember all those evenings I got home, when he was still around. It made me sad, but I don’t want that anymore. I want to come home to you and feel happy, looking forward to those warm hugs from you”, looking up you smile at him. He bents down and gives you a quick kiss, “ueew!”, Isobel giggles, “hi mommy”, Alex greets you, we behaved, giving you the brightest smile possible. “Hello you two”, opening your arm so you can hug them.

During dinner the conversations are light and cheerful. Enjoying the dinner Steve had cooked, you offer to clean up for him, but he declines. “Well, Isobel let’s get started on that homework of yours”, you motion for your daughter to get her backpack, seeing her smile wide, you look at her questionly. “I already did my homework, while Steve was making dinner”, she smiles smug. “Did you make your homework, or did you ask Steve questions and he made it for you?” eyeing her, trying to figure out if she lied. “y/n, she did it all by herself. She only asked for my help when she didn’t understand”, Steve answers for Isobel. Looking from Steve to your daughter and back again, squeezing your eyes, were they lying? “Isobel you sure?” asking her, seeing her nod and shrug her shoulders, “Really mommy, what do you think of me?” trying to smother her smile. Starting to say something, Steve gives you a quick kiss, “Let it go, she did it all by herself. I just gave instructions. She didn’t trick me into making her homework”, kissing you again. Seeing Isobel stare at the both of you, you sigh and give in, “Okay, I’m proud of you, you’re taking responsibility”, you compliment her. “Thank you mommy, but I only did it because Steve promised me the bigger desert. I’m swoon easily”, she giggles and runs of into the living room. You look at Steve who’s looking for an exit, busted! “So, you bribe my kid, that’s not so very Captain America of you” you smile, walking towards the tall Avenger until his back is against the wall. “Steve, what’s true of what Isobel said?”, you ask standing on your toes, so you can level a little with Steve. “I just…uhm..”, scrapping his throat, he lifts you up and puts you on the table. Smiling wide at the failed strict impression you tried to make, “I told her, she should make homework before dinner, so she could have dessert and playtime after dinner. Just used common sense and some good old pudding”, shrugging his shoulders, continuing to clean up. “Common sense, huh, seems I don’t have that, seeing she doesn’t do that when I tell her”, you say while drying the dishes. “I’m new and she doesn’t know my boundaries or rules, that scares her. She was very quiet, until you came home. She’s okay with us, but needs to get used to being with me, while you’re gone”, Steve explains calm. “When did you become an expert in children?” looking up at him, grinning. I’m no expert in children, but reading body language that’s easy for me”, giving you a kiss on the cheek, putting the dishcloth away and walking towards the living room.

Joining your kids and Steve in the living room while they watch television. “Mommy, don’t you need to do your homework?” Alex ask you, his head resting against Steve’s chest. “My home..work..Oh you mean grading papers. I’m doing that when you two are asleep”, you answers looking at Alex. “But when will you have time to play with Steve?”, he ask innocently, while the two of you choke on your drink. “Alex, I can read a book or watch t.v, while your mom does her homework”, Steve answers snickering at the word homework, looking at you, who's’ sticking her tongue out. His reaction catches you off guard, seeing it isn’t the reaction you expected, “Behave, or I won’t play with you”, he says winking at you.

Once the kids are in bed, the both of you head downstairs. “So, you’re sure you want to stay and wait for me to do my ‘homework’ ?” you ask looking at Steve. “Let’s sit down and talk for a bit. I want to talk to you about something”, taking you by the hand, seating you both on the couch. You look at Steve, what did he want to talk about. It made you nervous. “So, you have to promise me one thing, let me finish before you interrupt me, okay?” he looks at you, taking your hand in his, ‘Oh Boy, here we go”, you think to yourself. “It sounds crazy, but hear me out. I asked Tony if he could install Friday in your house. That way I can stay here and help you out with the kids, your house is protected and you can follow me while I’m away. It eases my mind, knowing you have a pair of eyes watching over you, when I’m on mission. Talking about mission, I won’t be going on a mission for the next month, only when it’s really urgent, I want to spend time with you, without being interrupted. I know we just started dating each other, but it feels familiar, like it has always been you”, Steve stops his rambling and looks at you. “First of all, who or what is Friday? A system or something?”, you ask Steve, his excitement drops with your question, “Just joking Steve, I read and listen to the news I know what Friday is. It’s a..”, pushing you onto the couch, Steve hovers above you, “Really, are you kidding me? I just…” stopping mid-sentence when he hears you giggle. “Steve,…” your eyes softening looking him in the eyes, “It feels so natural to be around you, like we lived with each other our whole lives. Maybe were going too fast, maybe were not going fast enough, but I know that your idea sounds great. And for one time, we don’t have to discuss this with the kids, they are going to be overjoyed. I know when my kids are in love, they will never stop loving their father, but they are starting to love you. That makes me happy and takes away my fear of ruining it. When can Tony install Friday and does this mean you will sleep here as well?” you ask looking up at him, tucking away a strand of hair. “I will ask him tomorrow”, answering your first question while nuzzling your nose and cheek. “I thought I was already sleeping here?” he asks kissing you cheek, then your neck, feeling you react to his kiss. “One night in my bed, doesn’t mean you’re allowed to every night”, you grin, “Maybe you should sleep on the couch tonight”, you shrug, while fumbling with his blouse. “Doll, I told you, you have to behave or I won’t play with you”, Steve smiles mischievous, clearly adopting that smile from Alex. “What do you mean with playing, I have homework to do”, you whisper against his lips, quickly pulling away. “You can do your homework another time”, Steve’s lips are hovering over your, pulling on the collar of him blouse, you close the tiny gap between you. The kiss was a full open-mouthed, sexual kiss. All of those suppressed feelings, spilling in that one kiss. Earning a soft moan from Steve when you shift underneath him. Holding you tight to him, breathing heavy when you break apart. “Do you want to continue this upstairs?” you ask him shy, still irregular breading. “You sure, you want to do this?” he asks standing up. “I’m sure”, answering while standing up, “Just don’t make too much noise, because of the kids”, you ad, making Steve freeze up and look at you wide eyed, “Just kidding, they can’t hear us when the door is close”, you chuckle seeing his face all red. “Doll just wait until were in the bedroom. I’ll get you for that”, Steve warns, walking upstairs with you. 


End file.
